My review of Varla Ventura’s Banshees, Werewolves, Vampires & Other Creatures of the Night

The Occult Detective’s review of my latest book! I love him!!!

Wicked Wednesday: Goblin Sweep

Wicked cool, it’s wicked Wednesday again. You know what really bothers me? Goblins. They are so annoying. Here is a great “humane” way to get rid of one. And then, get yourself some cash so you can spend it on glittery things that the goblins might have taken otherwise.

From Mrs. B’s Guide to Household Witchery (used with permission) :

Goblin

While you may consider goblins to be generally troublesome spirits that you would not want to invite into your home, it is possible that one will take up residence without being invited. If you leave the goblin small gifts, you can often win his favor and good behavior. To rid your home of an unwanted goblin whose mischief is becoming too much, strew flaxseeds across the floor of your kitchen several nights in a row. The goblin will feel compelled each night to pick up the flax, seed by seed, keeping him from committing any trickery. After a few nights, he’ll be so frustrated that he will move on to another house where he can get back to his dastardly ways unimpeded. A female goblin is usually referred to as a “hag” or “crone.”

Money Draw Sweep

When you need a little extra cash to cover your expenses, and you’ve tried everything else to no avail. Try a money draw sweep and watch for unusual opportunities.

-1 part allspice

-1 part cinnamon

-1 part nutmeg

-Cornmeal base

Freaky Friday: Lock Up Your Daughters

Bad Boy Bizarre

It’s that day again, FREAKY Friday, where every Friday in October I’ll be giving you some freaktacular tidbits to start your weekend off right. Share them at a cocktail party, wow your blind date, or amuse your children. And if you want more, check out my books The Book of the Bizarre and Beyond Bizarre for loads more terrifying trivia and hilariously horrific facts. This week is full of freaky sausages and butts. sausages1

  • Think kids these days are bad? In 1598, a young peasant girl named Pernetter Gandillon roved like a wild animal around the Jura Mountains, between France and Switzerland. One day, she came upon a little boy and girl picking strawberries, and she pounced on the girl, intent to kill. When the little boy tried to defend his sister with a pocket knife, Gandillon wrestled the knife from his hand and slashed his throat. He was four years old. The people of the village were so horrified by the event that they tore Gandillon to pieces. Oh yeah, she was also a werewolf.
  •  Sisters Delfina and Maria were the owners of Rancho El Angel, a brothel in Guanajuato, Mexico, in the 1950’s and 60’s. The sisters had a successful business, but they also had a problem on their hands: the prostitutes who got too old to work expected continued financial support. Every good businessperson knows that carrying dead weight is unsustainable, and the sisters came up with a workable solution: killing their low-achieving sex workers. They also killed any customer who appeared to have a big wad of cash with him. When investigators finally questioned the sisters and examined their property, they found the bodies of 11 men and 80 woman!
  •  According to the Associated Press, there was a bizarre burglary in April 2008 in Spain. A Prowler broke into a funeral home in Burjassot (no one is sure exactly what the burglar intended to steal), and when neighbors alerted police, the creepy  criminal tried to hide. Police, along with the funeral parlor’s owner, searched the place and found him lying on a table in a glassed-in viewing chamber that is used during wakes. The police said not only was he breathing, but he was also dressed shabbily–a dead giveaway in a parlor where the custom is to dress the deceased in their finest suits.
  • A 22-year old man was arrested in Fresno, California for breaking and entering the home of two farm workers, rubbing one’s face with spices and whacking the other in the head with an eight inch sausage, the ransacking the workers’ house and running away. The money stolen by the police was recovered, and the alleged assailant presumably was given a good grilling by police.
  •  A 35-year-old man, dubbed the Butt Bandit, was arrested in Valentine, Nebraska, for making imprints of his, ahem, posterior on store windows with petroleum jelly. He was convicted of eight counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace after terrorizing the town for more than two years. He was sentenced to a whopping thirteen and a half months in jail. A word to the wise: make butt-prints on your own windows  instead of going to town.

Freaky Friday: What Big Feet You Have!

Bigfoot Bizarre

Welcome again to  Freaky Friday where every Friday in October I’ll be giving you some freaktacular tidbits to start your weekend off right.  Share them at a cocktail party, wow your blind date, or amuse your children.  And if you want more, check out my books The Book of the Bizarre and Beyond Bizarre for loads more terrifying trivia and hilariously horrific facts. This week’s edition is dedicated to all you freaks out there who said I should show Bigfoot some love. Check out this map of Bigfoot sightings!

bigfoot

  • According to an account reported to Phantoms and Monsters, in November 2007, a Michigan woman and her husband were home one evening watching TV when they heard two gunshots coming from next door. The husband quickly got dressed and headed to his neighbor’s house, where he expected that the neighbor, Bob, was warding off the ear that had been sighted in the area lately Bob had let his two dogs outside before bed, as he did every night. One of the dogs before bed, as he did every night. One of the dogs took its usual romp towards the woods, but stopped suddenly and then cowered. When Bob saw this, he assumed the dog had seen a bear, so he headed outside with his rifle. That is when he looked up to see a dark figure, standing upright at about six feet, seven inches tall. Thinking it was a human he shouted at it. The creature looked at Bob and then walked back into the woods, this time on all fours. The most unusual thing, Bob said later, was the creature’s eyes-the glowed red.  Bob aimed his shotgun at the beast’s chest, which is when he noticed it had no fur. He fired and hit it, but the creature did not move. The figure stood upright again, and Bob fired again, but this time he missed. The figured disappeared into the woods. No blood or tracks were discernible.
  • Roman Emperor Maximus was the legendary king who was so large that he could wear his wife’s bracelet as a wedding ring. He was said to be between eight and nine feet tall, and was a compulsive eater, binging on four pounds of flesh and six gallons of wine a day. He was as much muscle as we was fat, though, as he was known to be capable of knocking out the teeth of a horse with a single blow.
  •  Many lifelong residents of Kirkland, Ohio, grew up listening to tales of melon heads, a strange race of local mutants. Local legend has it that these people, known for their oversized, bulbous craniums, are the result of a physician’s bizarre experiments on children suffering from a debilitating disease called hydrocephalus. This condition causes large pockets of water to form in the bran, and Dr. Crow was hired by the U.S government to investigate and care for children with the disorder. Instead he performed twisted operations on his patients, injecting their brains with more water and exposing them to radiation. Many children died, and the remaining victims mutated into wild, vicious creatures. One day they attacked the doctor, ripped him to pieces and ate him. Then they unleashed themselves on the woods around the crude hospital they had been imprisoned in. The story goes that the melon heads roam the woods in packs, terrorizing humans and animals alike.
  • Three Andean mummies were discovered by an archaeologist/mountaineer in October 1995. They had been undisturbed in snow at the top of 20,000 foot Mount Ampato, in southern Peru, for at least 500 years. Then an earthquake exposed them. One of the mummies was the remains of a young woman, referred to by local shamans as Juanita. She had apparently been sacrificed to Incan gods. By disturbing the remains, the authorities are said to have brought bad luck to the Peruvian region. Within a year of the discovery,  a Peruvian commercial jet crashed and killed 123 people near the discovery site. Then thirty-five people were electrocuted when a high-tension cable fell on a crowd celebrating the founding of the city of Arequipa (which is also near the discovery site). Local shamans said these deadly disasters were the acts of the angered ices princess. To break the curse, the shamans gathered in the city of Arequipa in August 1996 and chanted: “Juanita, calm your ire. Do not continue to damn innocent people who have down nothing to you.” Apparently, it worked–no deadly accidents have been reported in the region since 1996.

 

 

Wicked Wednesday: Gambling Blessed Brides

Feeling lucky? Welcome to another wonderfully wicked Wednesday.  If the latest witchy shows are getting you in the mood to ride brooms, here are a couple more spells to spice up your cauldron! wicked witch of the west

From Denise Alvarado’s Voodoo Hoodoo Spellbook (used with permission):

Gambler’s Luck Oil

Use this oil on all works related to gambling. You can also anoint your palms with the oil and rub them together right before playing a game of chance.

-Cinnamon

-1 carnation petal

-Narcisse

-Ginger

Add the above ingredients to 2 ounces of pure olive oil to which a dropper of vitamin E has been added. Add a piece of High John to the Conqueror root to each bottle of oil.

Black Blessed Candle

To remove negative energies and to reverse bad luck into good luck and happiness, dress a black seven day candle with Curse Reversal Oil and read Psalm 9 daily until the candle burns all the way down. Place the ritual remains in a brown paper bag and leave at a crossroads.

And from Mrs. B’s Guide to Household Witchery (used with permission) :

Orange

Orange Blossoms carried in a bridal bouquet are said to bring luck in love to the bride and groom

Form: whole fruit, peel, rind, juice

Ruler: Sun

Element: Fire

Gods: Apollo, Cernunnos

Goddesses: Hera, Naavri, Pamona

Attributes: ancestor offering, cleansing, confidence, creativity, friendship, glamour, health/healing, love, prosperity, success

Culinary uses: Eat oranges by hand. Orange slices can be added to fresh salads or desserts. Orange zest, fruit, or juice can be used to flavor baked goods, sauces, marinades jams, and jellies.

Magical uses: Add dried orange peel to a bath when you want to attract love or friendship . Grind dried orange peel, lemon peel, and a vanilla bean together; burn this incense during social gatherings to strengthen bonds of friendship. Dried orange peel can be substituted in any magical formula that calls for citron, saffron, or neroli.

Check out the Weiser Halloween Gift Guide!

My publisher did this Halloween Gift Guide, check it out, there are some awesome books here!

Glass Ouija Board

Not smudge proof, but ever so enchanting!

Something Witchy This Way Comes

Witchtacular!

Tentacle Tidbits

The tentacle is all wrapped up and has somewhere to go. Thanks again to all you landlubbers who participated in the book trailer giveaway. The lucky winner is Witch of Brisbane and her package is en route!. Watch the trailer HERE.  The tentacle is included in Witch’s package!!!  Bon voyage!

Varla mermaid Giveaway

Tentacles Don’t Suck: Book Trailer Proves It

IMG_1184That’s right, folks, the people have spoken and the votes are tallied. The Among the Mermaids Book Trailer Winner is the Tentacle!!!

I’ve also chosen one very lucky winner–Witch of Brisbane–who will receive a signed copy of the book, a variety of awesome mermaid swag, and the very tentacle used in the making of this trailer. Thanks to everyone for reading, voting, and hopefully laughing.

And stay tuned for insane banshee action when I try my hands at the movie biz again in October for my new book, Banshees, Werewolves, Vampires, and Other Creatures of the Night: Facts Fictions and First-Hand Accounts.

Big thanks to my friend and publicist, Kat, who helped me make the trailer on her lunch break! Now that’s dedication.

Didn’t see it or want to see it again? Watch it here! Enjoy!!